Quest: Betrayal

Chapter 35 - Betrayal

Goku stopped his punch and dropped back, frowning. “Vegeta…some thing’s wrong…Chichi’s upset.”

Vegeta froze for an instant before dropping out of the sky, Goku at his side, long blonde hair snapping in the wind.

When they landed, Goku quickly looked around, trying to figure out what was wrong. Yamcha had his arm around Chichi’s shoulder and she seemed to be crying.

“Namek?” Vegeta demanded. “What happened?” ::Kakorr…what’s wrong with her? Is the baby…::

::Everyone seems fine… Give me a minute, Vegeta. I’ll find out.::

“Chi, are you okay?” Goku asked, going to her. He didn’t know what he would do if something happened after everything they had gone through to convince Vegeta to be a dairi. Vegeta seemed so much happier and more confident as a result. He and Chichi had been right – Vegeta considered it an honor to be asked.

“I’m--” Chichi seemed to stagger for a second and placed her hand on her belly. “Oh…” she winced, “Tone it down Goku.”

“Goku,” Piccolo snapped, “Your ki is too high to be that close to her.”

He quickly dropped his ki down to its normal level. He hadn’t even considered that – he and Vegeta would have to be more careful. “Sorry Chi,” he said softly, taking her in his arms, brushing his tail comfortingly over the back of her hand. “What happened? Are you okay?” He was relieved when she nodded her head.

“Damn it!” Vegeta growled, his hair now dark as well, “Answer me. What in the fuck happened?”

“Krillin was here,” Piccolo said.

“What did the little prick do?” Vegeta demanded, tail bristled and snapping. ::I will kill him if he hurt…:: he threatened.

Goku frowned. Krillin had been his best friend. Even after everything that had happened he couldn’t believe the monk would actually hurt anyone.

“He didn’t do anything. He was just a jerk,” Chichi said.

“You’re sure?” Goku asked.

He smiled as Chichi took a deep breath. “Yes, I’m sure. Sorry. I just let my hormones get the better of me. I’m fine now.”

“Woman, are you trying to tell me you interrupted our training for this?” Vegeta growled.

“You interrupted your training, not me. I didn’t tell you to come butt your royal nose into things.”

Goku grinned at Vegeta’s scowl. His prince would never admit how worried he had been, but it was obvious to those who knew him.

“Hey guys?” Yamcha said. “It’s late and I really should be getting home to Bulma. Is it okay if I leave?”

Vegeta nodded, not taking his eyes off Chichi. ::They aren’t telling us everything, Kakorr.::

::I know. See if you can find out from Piccolo.:: “Hey Chi – want me to take you home? I think we are done for the day.”

“You just want to raid my kitchen,” she laughed.

“Shhh…don’t tell Vegeta. He’ll want to come too,” Goku teased.

“Don’t worry, Daddy ‘Geta, I’ll save some for you,” Chichi giggled.

“Woman…” Vegeta growled.

Chichi smirked as Goku put his hand on her arm and they vanished.

He looked around the kitchen, spotless as usual. He and Vegeta weren’t as clean as she was – the robots were hard-pressed to keep up with their messes when they engaged in extreme cooking.

“Okay Chi – tell me what really happened,” he said, turning a kitchen chair around and straddling it, arms resting on the back.

Chichi frowned. “It really wasn’t anything, honest. Just Krillin being an idiot. I overreacted, that’s all.”

“That’s not true, Chi. Your ki may not be high, but I felt it go up in response to a threat.” He couldn’t detect major changes in most humans’ kis – they were more like a background hum – but Goku was always aware of shifts in hers, especially since becoming pregnant.

She sighed and sat down across from him. “Honestly, Goku. He didn’t do anything. He just said some hateful things and got me upset.”

“You’re sure?” he asked doubtfully.

“I’m sure, hon. Everyone has been really tense lately and he just pushed the wrong buttons.”

“I just… I don’t know what to do, Chi. I don’t want anything to happen to you. But Krillin…” Part of him wanted Krillin to see how much Vegeta had changed – to be happy for him. But another, darker part that he recognized as coming from the bond wanted him to suffer for disparaging his chosen and his family.

She took his hands in hers. “I understand, Goku. Krillin was your friend and there is obviously something wrong with him. No one understands why he is acting like this. I just don’t want to be the reason you or Vegeta do something to him.”

“You think we would hurt him?”

She sighed. “Vegeta’s become so protective I’m not sure what he would do. And honestly, you’ve been different lately. Don’t let Krillin get hurt, Goku. He has a family. Think of Eighteen and Marron. They are suffering as well.”

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Vegeta grinned at the Namek glaring at him, noting with amusement the mouth shaped bruises and bite marks on his neck and arms.

“Again?” he laughed. “Damn, Elf-boy. Once you start screwing, you don’t seem to be able to stop.”

Piccolo glared and blushed. “It was only the third time, damn it!”

“Really? In as many months… Nail must be a great fuck. Or are you really just masturbating with your split form and pretending it is someone else?”

“You are such a vulgar asshole, Vegeta. So what? I let Nail take over my split form again. What in the hell do you care?”

“Hey – I’m all for it. You don’t seem to have such a stick up your ass. Of course, now that you have replaced it with a dick…” he chuckled, tail flicking.

He was disappointed when the Namek refused to rise to the bait. “Back off,” Piccolo snarled.

Vegeta laughed. “Okay, okay.” He was actually glad for his friend. It had to be the bond, because he had felt bad about not being able to help Piccolo with this. His only concern – unvoiced – was Piccolo would keep having sex only with Nail, and never look for someone ‘real’. Maybe it was because he was happy with Kakorr – he wanted his friend to be happy as well.

“You look a little marked yourself, Matchstick,” Piccolo smirked.

Vegeta smirked back, “Maybe it is just from sparring.”

“Yeah right – hickeys as a fighting style. The Kais will be lining up for that one.”

Vegeta snorted, “Asshole.”

Piccolo chuckled before turning serious.

“Vegeta, what’s going on with Goku? He doesn’t seem to be himself lately. It looks like he is finding it more difficult to keep up with you when you train. Am I imagining it? His fighting style is more intense, but it doesn’t seem to be as effective. He is almost…”

Vegeta frowned, understanding his friend’s concern. “He’s me - sometimes the way I was years ago.”

Piccolo nodded, “The bond?”

Vegeta scowled. The bond was changing constantly now. It seemed to be a positive influence for him, but Kakorr was frequently overwhelmed by sudden feelings of anger and helplessness. It was almost like he wasn’t trying to protect himself from its effects at all, leaving himself wide open for the changes it caused. Kakorr was being flooded by the memories and feelings of Vegeta’s past and it was slowly destroying him from the inside, taking away his strength and confidence. “Kakorr is usually a happy person. The bond has started to take more from him than it gives.”

“Does that mean you are happy now?”

Was he? It was still such an amazing thing. But… “Yes. But I would give it up if it would help Kakorr.”

“He wouldn’t want you to do that, Vegeta. You will find an answer. This is just temporary.”

“I hope so. The bond keeps changing, but it has never been this bad before.”

“I’m sure it will work out in the long run. You and Goku will be mated and surrounded by a screaming pack of cubs.”

Vegeta laughed mirthlessly. “Yeah, just like a fucking fairy tale.”

“Hey, it’s gotten you this far.” Piccolo smirked, “I still can’t believe you let Chichi talk you into being a father.”

He shrugged and grinned; even though the woman had been pregnant for two months he was still not over his embarrassment at the idea. “Dairis were valued highly on Vegeta-sei. If Kakorr and I want more cubs, this is the only way.”

“But Chichi?”

“It was her idea. Besides, she has already proven she can produce strong children.”

“You’re just rationalizing. Vegeta, I think you are turning into a domesticated softy.”

“Bastard.”

“Are you going to ask me about Krillin?”

“Kakorr’s already told me most of it – although I suspect he has sugar-coated it. The woman is afraid I will kill the little bastard – she doesn’t want me .to.”

“I considered it myself… Something about him just didn’t feel right. Problem is, he didn’t actually do anything – he just boasted and acted like an ass,” Piccolo said.

“Do you really think he is a threat?” Vegeta asked.

“He’s only a human, Vegeta. No matter what, there is a limit to what he can do. Much as I hate to admit it, Chichi might be right – he’s become unbalanced, but there is no reason to think he will actually do more than talk.”

“GodS, don’t tell her she is right about something – she is insufferable enough as it is. Why doesn’t the runt’s woman do something?”

“Eighteen? She’s tried, but forcing him to go for treatment won’t accomplish anything. He has to cooperate or it is a waste of time.”

“If he knows what is good for him, he will stay away from my family. Another stunt like he pulled today and I will kill him no matter what.”

---------------------------

Goku sat in bed, staring out the window at his beloved forest, trying to make sense of his thoughts. These feelings he was experiencing… hurt, betrayal, anger, hopelessness… they weren’t ones he was used to. He knew he was feeling them because of the bond and wondered absently how much longer he would have to go on like this. It didn’t seem to be working; the more he tried to give himself to Vegeta the worse it got for him. The more open he made himself, the more of Vegeta’s dark past he absorbed. He was beginning to believe they would never mate at this rate. Even though Vegeta was happier and more confident his prince still hadn’t understood what Rouba meant.

He didn’t even look up when Vegeta sat beside him, gently brushing away an errant spike in order to see his face.

“Kakorr?” ::What’s wrong?::

He shrugged. What was wrong? Everything was wrong. He felt like he was breaking. He couldn’t even begin to explain.

“Is it Krillin?” Vegeta asked in a soft voice, putting his arm around him.

“He’s my friend, Vegeta. He was my friend,” he corrected brokenly. This pain he could explain. “We lived together. We trained together. We fought together. He was my best friend. I always looked forward to seeing him. Even more than Bulma or Yamcha – he was the one person I relied on to stay with me through anything.” Once he started talking, he couldn’t seem to stop, anguished tears rolling unchecked down his face.

“I went Super Saiyan because of Krillin. Not for me, not for you, not even for my son. I couldn’t believe I had lost my best friend – again. Something inside of me broke then.”

::Kakorr…::

Goku just shook his head. This pain wasn’t from the bond, this was his own and he could hardly believe how much it hurt; he felt like he was being shredded from the inside.

“There was nothing I wouldn’t do for him. Nothing I wouldn’t trust him with. Even now, Vegeta… even now… if he came and asked me to do something, I don’t think I could refuse him. You probably don’t understand, but I have to believe there is still some good – some part if the old Krillin – still in him.

“I keep asking myself what I did wrong. What did I miss? Can I help him get better? Is there something I could do to get my best friend back?”

“Kakorr,” Vegeta said, pulling him closer, brushing his tail over his face, “There is nothing you could have done differently. This is the path he has chosen.” ::You have done all you could.:: “I know, Kakorr. I know you have tried to contact him and tried to apologize.”

Goku took a shaky breath, trying to make his voice stop cracking. “I’ve just… I’ve just never seen him like this before. I didn’t think it was possible for someone so good… kind… loving… to become so- so…”

“Hateful,” Vegeta finished his sentence when he found himself at a loss for words.

“Hateful,” he echoed in a whisper. “I don’t understand, Vegeta. I don’t understand hate. I don’t think I’ve ever felt it. I’ve never been subjected to it like this before…”

“I hated you at first, Kakorr,” Vegeta said apologetically.

He smiled sadly and shook his head. “No. You didn’t – not really. You hated yourself more. I knew. It wasn’t like this. Krillin… I just want to understand why.”

“Hate doesn’t always need reason, Kakorr. You can’t blame yourself for the way he feels – and you can’t help him if he will not let you. It isn’t your fault, Kakorr.”

Vegeta lay back on the bed, pulling him down until Goku’s head was resting on his shoulder. Goku coiled his tail around his prince’s arm, the closeness comforting him slightly.

“What is it, Kakorr? What is really bothering you? I could feel it all day – have felt it for days. Tell me. Let me help you.”

Goku barked a sorrowful laugh. “You’re me today. And I don’t know who I am anymore.”

“You are the Saiyan warrior Kakarott and Earth’s protector Son Goku,” Vegeta said, the names sounding strange coming from him. “You are an honest and honorable man. And most important of all, you are my Kakorr. Do not lose sight of that, even if it is difficult at times,” Vegeta said, trailing fingers through his hair.

“It’s just… I’m afraid, Vegeta. I don’t think I have ever really been afraid before – not like this - but I am now. I keep thinking I could lose everyone important to me and not be able to do a thing about it.

“I’ve never been scared like this before. I feel like I have no control over anything anymore. The bond is just… It’s too much. I keep having dreams and remembering things that make no sense. And it doesn’t just happen when I’m asleep.”

“Tell me, Kakorr,” Vegeta said, his voice a purr, trying in vain to calm him down.

“Like the other day…we were sparring… I was so frustrated. Nothing was working. I couldn’t hit you and I could only block you about half the time. You had gotten some solid hits and I felt kind of shaken… While I was getting up, trying to get myself together… I saw it. In the beginning I was in a big room with windows and walls so far away I couldn’t even see them. Suddenly the windows were all covered and the room shrunk. I knew there were people on the other side of the wall – I could feel their kis. They were laughing at me because I couldn’t get out of the room. I pounded on the walls and called out to them, but they just laughed at me because I couldn’t get through. I could never get through.”

Oh GodS. Vegeta repressed a shudder. He knew that nightmare – it was his and he had somehow burdened Kakorr with it. He had dreamt it over and over after Mirai Trunks had come and demonstrated his ability to ascend. The frustration and anger he had felt then was difficult to admit to, but it constantly tormented him in his dreams.

“That wasn’t you, Kakorr. That was the bond. You aren’t trapped and you aren’t helpless.”

“I am, Vegeta. I can’t go on like this. I feel like I am falling apart – it just gets worse everyday. I just…I just want to go and get it over with. What good is all of this if we can’t even get to the Kais? And my training isn’t doing me any good – I can’t seem to get any stronger no matter what I do. I hate feeling so helpless.”

Vegeta looked into anguished brown eyes and felt helpless himself. Was this how the Kais would end up winning? By destroying Kakorr? Taking away all of the things that made him so strong and nearly impossible to defeat?

He had tried to avoid facing facts, but Vegeta could see it now. They were running out of time. They needed to mate soon or remove the bond. Because Kakorr left himself so open, it was a positive thing for Vegeta, giving him strengths he never had before. But Kakorr seemed to be unwilling or unable to protect himself from its negative effects and the instability was hurting him.

And it was his fault. He hadn’t been able to figure out what Rouba meant for months – it made no sense – of course he trusted Kakorr.

He could feel the bond shifting and twisting them together and apart and it seemed to be leaving Kakorr without the comfort of friends and family he could rely on. Rouba had given him a strong sense of self – an anchor that helped him survive Frieza. But so much of Kakorr’s identity came from the way others saw him. These betrayals by his friends were eroding his confidence. Kakorr felt lost – adrift.

It seemed the more confidence Vegeta had about their success in the upcoming battle with the Kais, the less Kakorr had. Because of the bond he was taking something vital away from Kakorr. It was eroding his control – his sense of self. Vegeta rarely caught glimpses of the happy, confident man he had fallen in love with – the bond was making him confused and depressed, giving him pieces of Vegeta’s older emotions without the underlying cause to allow them to make sense.

And Vegeta could do almost nothing for him. The old method of touching each other to return to their ‘normal’ state rarely worked anymore. Sometimes the most that could be achieved was an equalizing so they both felt the same. It took some of the weight from Kakorr, but it didn’t solve the problem.

Vegeta held Kakorr, purring and petting him, trying to calm him enough for the bond to return them to normal. It was obvious the episode today with Krillin had triggered this emotional upheaval. Kakorr just clung to him, shivering as if in pain when another flood of memories rolled through him. Vegeta actually felt relieved when he experienced a wave of anger himself – the bond had shifted again.

“Kakorr,” he said hesitantly, hating even having to make the suggestion and knowing he wouldn’t approve; they were running out of options. “We have to get the dragonballs – we have to remove this bond.”

Kakorr sat up and stared at him, disbelieving. “No.” He shook his head. “No.”

“Kakorr…listen to me. I want to be your mate. I hope we will someday,” he said sadly, not willing to admit he had practically given up hope of that happening. “But this bond – it is hurting you. The Kais created it; maybe they are using it against us.”

“I don’t care if it is hurting me.”

“I do.”

Kakorr bent over him and tangled his fingers tightly in Vegeta’s hair, forcing him to meet his desperate gaze. “No. I will not let you leave me. I will not be alone again.”

“Kakorr…I will not leave you. You won’t be alone.”

“Yes I will,” he protested brokenly. Kakorr touched his forehead with his free hand. “I’ll be alone in here. I need you, Vegeta. I don’t understand. Why won’t you trust me?”

Vegeta blinked in confusion, Kakorr’s frustration overwhelming him. “Of course I trust you,” he insisted.

“Prove it,” Kakorr sobbed, fingers tangling tighter. “Prove it.”

“How? Tell me what you need, Kakorr. How can I prove it?” he asked desperately, trying to understand what was happening. What was wrong? How could he say that? Kakorr’s fear had returned and it was threatening to crush Vegeta.

“Let me do this… Let go… Please Vegeta, trust me. I need…” Kakorr begged; his face buried in Vegeta’s neck.

“Anything,” Vegeta promised, stroking his back, hoping to calm this fear he had somehow triggered.

“Trust me,” Kakorr repeated, his mouth covering his, tongue pushing its way in, demanding submission. He struggled in surprise, never having seen Kakorr like this before, until the hand in his hair pulled tighter, forcing him into stillness.

::Kakorr, please stop,:: he pleaded, fear spiking, trying to push the other Saiyan off him. He didn’t know whose fear he was feeling, all he knew was the old familiar feeling of being weak and vulnerable.

“Why, Vegeta?” Kakorr looked at him with tear-filled eyes, capturing his wrist. “Why? I’ve given you everything that I am. I’ve left the bond open – for you - so you would understand but I can’t seem to get through. And now – now that you are so close you want to give up. You can’t. I won’t let you.”

“What do you mean?” he whispered, staring up at Kakorr, not understanding the cause of his obvious frustration. What did he mean he left the bond open for him?

Kakorr shifted his body until Vegeta’s legs were trapped uselessly underneath his lover’s greater size. Vegeta heard himself make a tiny moan of fear before biting it back.

“Why are you afraid of me, Vegeta? Is it because you aren’t the one in control? You’ve done this to me; you didn’t hurt me. Why do you think I would ever hurt you? Why can’t you trust me?!”

::I do, I do,:: he insisted, all the while twisting and writhing beneath the weight that had him trapped, struggling to escape.

Kakorr’s mouth was covering his again, desperately devouring him. He had released his hair in order to pin his wrists beside his head, ignoring Vegeta’s muffled cries. ::Let go, Vegeta. Trust me. You don’t always have to be in control.::

This is Kakorr, he told himself. Kakorr. He would never hurt me. This isn’t real. He isn’t going to…

Vegeta could hear his anguished plea in his head, but he couldn’t make himself believe it. ::How can you even think I would rape you?::

Rape? No, not again. Please not again. He began drawing on his ki – he had to escape. There was a voice in his head, but it made no sense. He was trapped, helpless, lost…

::You are safe, Vegeta. I’m not going to hurt you. Please. Trust me.::

He screamed, his ki skyrocketing until he could break free, hair billowing, forcing his attacker onto his back, Vegeta’s fingers tight around his throat, choking the life from him.

TBC