uhhhhh cats: dwarven alcohol

Some time after the time where he was briefly crawled into and controlled like a meatsuit by an alternate universe version of himself, Groff went back to the paperverse and searched the multiverse to look for places to take his friends.

First portal he jumped into? A dwarven pub.

One paw stepped in a puddle, and he licked it off. Alcohol didn't taste very good. Maybe dwarves can taste things he doesn't?

Regardless, it was insignificant. Groff hopped back over to the paperverse.

"Look, chat!" Ashe pointed to Groff with a paw. "This guy doesn't know how strong dwarven alcohol is!"

'lol'

'lol'

'lol'

"It's a good thing he only got one paw covered in the stuff! Else he might have died!"

'if he kicked it then you would be able to write fanfiction about duskie again'

"Shut up, chat! I wrote about Duskie and Hibiscus last week!"

'that was purposeful badfic!'

'badfic doesnt count'

'do you not remember him??? duskie??? little duskfall???'

'please do NOT go back to writing bad fanfic about me. or good fanfic about me. pleaseeeeee'

'write a fic where duskie pipis his pampers NOW'

"Shushhhhh! Groff's feeling the effects!"

Groff paused. He felt off.

Did he not recover fully from that cold as he previously thought?

He shook his head. Surely not.

Still, he didn't trust himself outside of his home universe.

Guess he should go back to his clowder.

"Realistically, I'd die! But all I want to do is to strip naked and run around the woods!" Groff said, drunk.

'hes not wearing anything'

"He's wearing a goddamn bandana!" 

'duskie pipi pamper fic PLEASE'

'make pipipipi pipi themself instead of making me pipi myself pretty please you weird fangirl leave me and my family alone'

'stop truthing duskie btw'

"I'm not truthing him!"

'shes not truthing me!!! but its still weird to write purposefully bad fanfiction where a real guy gets crucified like christ on the cross'

"He's there! Watch!"

"Hi guysssss" Groff stumbled into the scene. "I love you so much..." He collapsed.

'dear GOD is he drunk as hell right now!'

'when does he start stripping'

"Are you ok?" Cream asked, sweatdropping.

"Let's take him to Nora." Reese said. "She'll know what to do."

Chip grabbed Groff by the scruff and dragged him over to Nora's doorstep, while Cream and Reese followed close behind. Strawberry was sleeping as usual like the lazy fuck he is, so unfortunately he missed the sight.

"Nora!" Chip meowed at the cat camera.

"What's wrong?.. Groff?"

Groff let out a drunken meow.

"Groff!"

"Your cat's drunk." The vet said. "Luckily nonlethal." In this universe, that would be misinformation, but in the universe where cats are sapient beings, they also have enough alcohol resistance to not fall into a coma from a tablespoon of the stuff.

"Kitty!" Nora ruffled Groff's fur. "Don't go lapping up weird puddles or whatever!" She then went off to go to the bathroom. "Keep an eye on him! Even if he's currently a sad sack of flour and cocoa powder."

"Alright!" The vet waved her off, and then just stared at Groff.

"Fuckin' dwarven alcohol..." Groff muttered, in human tongue.

So the vet had to live with that for the rest of her life.