a broken crown: perfect in bone so pale - 886 words

In which the Athos as a race never got to experience the liberation from their human-shaped chains, and were destined to either blend into the human society, or perish trying to swim against the tide. And also Julie wasn't as bad.

 

---

 

"Mom, you're ruining my makeup." Caspian's voice was calm and patient in tone, as he gently pushed Julie's hand away from his face. "It was expensive."

 

He knew this was difficult for her for various reasons. He couldn't even keep up how many times she had tried to fix his hair, or clean his face with a tissue. The frail woman lowered her gaze, and brought her hands together, close to her chest. She felt lost. When Caspian walked back to the vanity table, she carefully lifted her eyes back to him. Julie knew she wasn't supposed to ask, but she did anyway.

"Are you absolutely sure about this?"

 

Caspian didn't turn to her or say a word, but his posture changed. Tightened. Halted.

 

"We still have time to drop all this nonsense, dear."

 

"Mom."

 

"Get you a suit and proper shoes. It cuts close, but we could make it."

 

"Mom."

 

"I know you like bright colors, so maybe the tie could-"

 

"MOM." Caspian hit the wooden table with the side of his fist to silence his mother. It worked, just like the threat of violence always did.

 

But Caspian wasn't violent. Why would he be?

 

It was a fabricated danger by a woman who was afraid of losing the son she never had.

 

Caspian turned slowly to Julie, and straightened his posture. His high heels made him tower above the woman's figure. The hems of his simple, white dress draped smoothly along the floor while following their master's momentum. A blade of desperate frustration cut briefly through his face.

"This is my wedding, and we are not discussing this."

 

Julie turned around swiftly, ashamed, guilt-ridden grief relentlessly dragging the corners of her mouth downwards.

And just as quickly, she walked out of the room. She didn't want to feel the way she did about her own son - but she couldn't help it. She wanted to support him in any way she could.

 

But she couldn't. It wasn't about the work path he chose. She couldn't have cared less that he loved another man. It never mattered how rebellious he was towards the rules Julie set and enforced.

 

It was how he acted. What he wore or didn't, because fabric didn't have a gender. How he swam against every expectation and wish she had for him. She only wanted a stereotypical, so-called normal son.

 

And it disgusted her that she did. She never wanted to look at Caspian with sad judgement in her eyes. She wanted him to be enough, just the way he was - and she tried. Tried so hard.

 

She wasn't good at hiding it, no matter how much she didn't like it herself. It always rose to the surface in the end. Made them argue, made them scream.

 

Even in his wedding, she just couldn't keep her stupid mouth shut.

Julie's reaction wasn't a surprise to him. Every single move she made was predictable - but it didn't mean that he never felt bad about it. Caspian hurried to the closing door, but was stopped in his tracks right as he got to it.

"You're not going anywhere, mister party.... uh... thing." Kate pinched her eyes shut in embarrassment as she leaned against the doorframe. Goddamn language differences. She shook her head slightly, as though to shed the moment off her shoulders. "Besides, you're not catching her with those, anyway."

 

Caspian shifted his weight to one leg, crossing his arms. "I can run in high heels a whole lot better than you."

"Today you can't."

 

The green-haired mess wasn't what one could call a professional when it came to persuading Caspian to do, well, anything. The man only pushed her aside - like countless times before - and rushed after his mother. Kate watched the man's receding back with a narrowed gaze, as Chelsea arrived beside her, snacking on something. Greenheart turned to her.

"How high are those heels, exactly? The dude's a freaking skyscraper."

"Very," Chelsea replied, popping another cashew into her mouth. "But you're also short."

 

Oh, how she enjoyed watching Kate writhe whenever she was trying to constrain herself. Cute.

Caspian sat down on the long bench, right next to Julie.

"You don't have to pity me," she spoke immediately. "I know when I'm not wanted. I can take a hint."

Caspian sighed and rolled his eyes. "Mom, look at me." He waited for the woman to lift her eyes before he spoke again.

 

"Of course I want you around, that's not a question of any kind. I'm your son, and of course I want you to be here." Words got stuck on the way up. Caspian wanted to collect Julie's hands to his own, but he couldn't. "But I..." His voice started to quiver, and he lowered his eyes to the floor.

 

"I can't be someone I'm not." He couldn't help his jaw from trembling. His vision started to blur as tears framed his lower eyelid like dewdrops caught in a spider's web, shimmering against the setting sun. "I just can't. I know that's not what you want, but just..." Caspian lifted his gaze back to Julie.

 

"Let me have this."

 

Without answering, Julie dug out an unused tissue from the breast pocket of her blazer jacket. "You're ruining your makeup." She handed it to Caspian, and smiled - wholeheartedly.

 

"It was expensive."