Maintaining: Healing

Chapter 44 - Healing

"I will try Kakorr. I will stay with you."

Goku wrapped his arms around Vegeta, crushing them together, nearly weeping with relief. It was only a reprieve - he knew that. He could feel Vegeta's hesitation, his shame, his fear. But now he had time - a chance to convince Vegeta to never leave him.

Vegeta loved him. He couldn't keep from smiling at that - Vegeta had actually said it. He slid his hands up and down the scarred back, purring softly, trying to soothe his prince. Vegeta's body was still shaking, trembles of sorrow rolling under his fingers.

Goku felt, rather than heard, Vegeta hiss in discomfort when the tips of his fingers traced his spine. He didn't release him, but drew his prince closer so he could peer over the hunched shoulders to see a deep red line down Vegeta's back like a brand.

"Makoto," he said gently. "You're hurt."

Vegeta just made a wordless sound of agreement.

"We should go back to The Lookout. Maybe Gohan has found some senzu - or Dende has rested enough..."

"Not yet," Vegeta said quietly.

They sat silently for several minutes before Vegeta spoke again.

"Kakorr...don't let...I don't..." He took a shaky breath. "Protect Trunks."

"Your son will be safe, Vegeta," he promised, suddenly feeling both sorry for Trunks never knowing his father loved him and glad his prince had resisted for so long. If this had happened to the boy...

Goku let his prince rest against his chest and stroked his hair. He could feel how drained Vegeta was, how exhausted he was at the huge emotional swings he had gone through.

"I passed out the first time I reached level three," he said thoughtfully. He felt Vegeta absorbing this information, shifting to get more comfortable in his arms. "I never saw what I looked like, though. You were beautiful."

Vegeta didn't answer, but a chestnut tail curled around his arm, and he purred as it began to gently tighten and loosen, almost like a cat kneading its paws.

"My Makoto..." he sighed, breathing in the smoldering scent of his prince.

"Why?" Vegeta whispered. "Why that name? Why do you still love me? Why aren't you angry?"

Goku slid tender fingers under his prince's chin, tilting his head up so Vegeta could look into his eyes. "Makoto," he purred. ::Because I am devoted to you. You are my love, and I trust you with my life. I have faith in you, Vegeta, my prince.::

Vegeta looked up at him in wonder. He had heard that so clearly. It wasn't possible. How could their bond be getting stronger after the horrible things he had done to Kakorr?

"Because I know it wasn't really you. Because you love me. Because we are meant to be together."

He stared into deep brown eyes, the warmth and love from Kakorr seeping into him, filling him with something he had thought he had lost forever. He truly forgave him - there wasn't an ounce of blame in his beloved Kakorr's heart. He wished he could feel the same - that this horrible crushing weight would leave him, but he didn't see how it could ever be possible.

::It will someday, Vegeta. It won't always feel like this. And I will always be with you.::

He could feel himself shaking as the tears started falling again. He didn't try to stop them this time, hiding his face against Kakorr's chest as his body was wracked by deep anguished sobs that seemed to come from the darkest depths of his soul. Kakorr just held him as he wept, understanding that no words would be enough.

------------------

Piccolo paced and cursed, unable to meditate. The look on Goku's face when he vanished - the Saiyan was horrified. Why in the hell would Vegeta want to commit suicide? He had killed Frieza, after all.

Although there was the huge question of how the ice-jin had managed to come back at all. This day had almost been catastrophic because of it, but somehow Vegeta had recovered his ki and destroyed him.

He checked again - the Saiyans' kis had stabilized. It felt like Goku had managed to convince the little bastard not to do it.

"I didn't know," came the quiet voice.

Piccolo snapped his head around to stare at Dende. "What didn't you know?" he growled.

"I didn't know Frieza was coming here. The Kais...they said Vegeta used the dragonballs to bring him back," Dende said, staring at the ground.

"Vegeta? There's no fucking way-"

"I- I don't know. I wasn't watching then. But they said... they said he did it on purpose. So he could go back and destroy planets with him. That he was evil - a killer..."

"How could they - how could you - believe that? He's not the same man he was when we first met him. Frieza killed him. He died to save this planet. He fought side by side with Goku against Buu. He nearly got himself wiped out of existence to save everyone." Piccolo was angry - furious - but he was trying to restrain himself. At least the brat was talking. And Kami kept telling him to shut up and listen.

"I know - but he - or someone - did use the dragonballs. I checked. But I thought Goku could-"

Piccolo just shook his head. He wasn't sure if he believed the bit about Vegeta wishing Frieza back. It didn't make any sense. But that was obviously what the Kais said happened.

"Brat," he growled and Dende retreated, cowering. He sighed. "I'm not going to hurt you kid. But you have to learn not to believe everything the Kais say. They usually don't lie outright. Instead they twist things around and only tell pieces of the truth. Everything they do and say is for their own advantage."

"I hadn't realized..." Dende said hesitantly.

"For some stupid reason Goku does what King Kai wants him to do - and the bug treats him like a faithful lapdog. Vegeta doesn't obey and the Kais hate that. I think they are afraid of him."

"They wanted me to let him die..." Dende mumbled.

Piccolo took a deep breath, biting back an angry retort.

==Go easy on the boy Piccolo. He knows he was wrong - he is trying to explain.==

::Damned meddling bastard.:: He smirked then, and said, "It will be interesting to see what the Kais do now since Goku and Vegeta are a couple. Goku might just surprise them."

Just then, said couple appeared on the ground between them. Vegeta wasn't as bloody as he had been, but he was still a mess. He was nearly out of it, curled up in Goku's lap, head resting against his shoulder, arms loosely wrapped around his waist. Vegeta's tail was flicking jerkily. Goku was holding him close and threw a pleading glance at Piccolo before looking over at Dende with something like hope.

"Dende...please...help him," Goku begged.

"I will," Dende said reassuringly, dropping to his knees behind Vegeta, passing his hands over the burned back. After a moment he turned his head to Piccolo. "Did Gohan bring any more senzu? That's really what he needs."

"No. Can't you heal him?" he said, coming closer.

"I can but...this is really bad, and he almost waited too long. He's nearly paralyzed." He frowned. "I could fix it... but I used so much ki on Goku I don't think I have enough - and I need to do this all at once."

"Use mine," Goku pleaded.

"Shut up Son," Piccolo ordered. "You keep yours - you need it." He moved to stand behind the young Namek and placed his hand on his back, fingers spread. "Go ahead kid - take as much as you need. And finish healing Goku while you are at it - if you can."

Dende tilted his head up to look at Piccolo staring down at him. "Thanks," he said with a tiny smile, and then turned all of his attention towards healing Vegeta.

"That's strange," he murmured after a moment.

"What's wrong?" Goku asked, alarmed.

"His computer chip...I don't think it is working," Dende said distractedly, frowning with concentration as he worked.

"What chip?" Piccolo demanded.

"You knew-!?" Goku exclaimed.

Dende looked at them, surprised. "He's had it as long as I've known him."

Piccolo looked at Goku and saw a mix of anger and confusion.

"Hold it, Son. I don't think he was hiding anything," he said before Goku could say a word. "What's this about a chip?"

Goku looked back at Dende, unsure, but the Namek's eyes were closed as he focused on healing Vegeta.

"Is it really broken?" he asked hopefully.

"I'm not sure - but I can't feel any signal coming from it. Someone who knows about electronics and stuff would have to look at it. The worst of Vegeta's injuries seem to be from it burning out."

"Damn it, Son, what is this about?" Piccolo demanded angrily.

Goku looked hesitantly up at his friend. Would Vegeta want anyone to know?

::Tell him.::

He hadn't realized Vegeta was awake enough to listen. The pain had become too much and his prince had finally collapsed against him - he had immediately brought him to Dende... He touched his knuckles to Vegeta's cheek before looking back up at Piccolo.

"Frieza planted a slave chip in Vegeta when he was a kid, and then made him forget. Because of everything that has happened lately he just remembered..."

"Slave chip?" Piccolo asked, horrified. "You mean like the master-slave bond Vegeta mentioned?"

Goku nodded sadly as he stroked the tail of his wounded prince. "Frieza... controlled him from hell... took over his body... wished himself back..."

"He WHAT?!" Piccolo sputtered, shocked.

"Vegeta didn't know - it was Frieza who broke his tail. Frieza held him back for years - kept him from resisting. Vegeta couldn't win against him in a fight because of it," Goku said sadly, his tail caressing his prince's face.

"Goku...that can't be true. Vegeta killed him."

"He did the impossible," Goku whispered. "He broke free - to protect me..."

-------------------

Vegeta sat cross-legged on the bed, gazing down at the slumbering Kakorr. He trailed his fingers through the dark spikes and smiled softly at the sleepy rumble. He answered with his own low purr. Kakorr's hair was so soft it was a pleasure to touch it.

Dende had outdone himself, although he felt somewhat guilty that the brat had exhausted both himself and the Green-bean before Kakorr's injuries could be healed. His back didn't hurt at all - for the first time in decades. While Kakorr slept he had spent some time in front of a mirror, looking over his shoulder. Zarbon's brand was gone. The brat said the damage from the chip burning out had affected the old scar tissue on his spine and he was able treat it as if it were a new injury.

He rose from the bed, careful not to disturb Kakorr, and crossed to an archway that allowed him to see the rows of trees on The Lookout. He hardly knew how to move. He was so used to the pain - his constant companion - he almost missed it. He slowly stretched and twisted, amazed that for the first time in years the movement brought no discomfort. It didn't seem right somehow - after what he had done to Kakorr, he should suffer.

"Vegeta."

He turned to locate the source of the soft voice. "Piccolo," he answered, equally softly.

"Are you alright?"

He looked back over his shoulder at his sleeping lover, and walked towards the trees into the morning sun. Piccolo shrugged and followed. Vegeta stood between the rows and stared into the distance, arms crossed, tail swaying behind him. He was numb with everything that had happened. He would live for Kakorr's sake as long as he could. But he knew others would find out what he had done - the Namek had seen Kakorr. When Piccolo learned what a monster he was their friendship would end - and he couldn't postpone it indefinitely. It was better done quickly - to wait, dreading the moment, would be unbearable.

"Vegeta...Goku said you were going to kill yourself..." Piccolo said hesitantly.

"I was."

"Why? Damn it Vegeta! What in the hell happened down there?"

Vegeta lowered his head and closed his eyes. Should he keep this secret? No. He had already gotten better treatment than he deserved. Piccolo was his friend...he deserved to know so he could protect himself.

"Frieza - he..."

"Vegeta, I know Frieza raped Goku," Piccolo said gently.

"No," he said, his voice barely above a whisper, "I did." He waited, tail twitching, nervous as he waited for the Namek's reaction. When there was none, he raised his head to look at the dark eyes that were quietly studying him.

"Why Vegeta? He loves you."

"I know," he said sadly. "I love him too."

"GodS Vegeta! If you love him how could you do something like that!?" Piccolo exclaimed, appalled.

"I... Frieza..." Vegeta shook his head. He shouldn't have said anything. He couldn't begin to explain - he could feel the tears burning again.

::Makoto.:: Strong arms curled around him and Kakorr was at his back, shielding and protecting him. "You don't have to do this."

"I do, Kakorr. I-" He wanted to lean back against the strong body behind him, but he didn't - he couldn't. Kakorr had felt his turmoil - it was so strong it had woken him and disturbed his rest.

"Goku, is this true? Did Vegeta rape you?" Piccolo asked quietly.

"No," Goku answered firmly, staring hard at the Namek.

"Kakorr," Vegeta protested, looking back over his shoulder at him.

"It wasn't Vegeta. He had been brainwashed. It was Frieza," Goku said, curling his tail around Vegeta's.

"Kakorr," Vegeta repeated.

"Frieza drugged and tortured him when he was a child. He made Vegeta - "

"Kakorr. No." Vegeta slipped out of his embrace and stared at him, wide-eyed.

"Makoto, you decided to tell Piccolo - you didn't have to. But if you are going to tell him, you have to tell him everything. I am not going to let you torture yourself like this," Goku said calmly to his prince. He could feel how much Vegeta wanted to be punished, but he was not going to do it. He could feel Vegeta's eyes on him as he turned towards the silent Piccolo.

"He made it so Vegeta would rape and kill whomever he fell in love with. Frieza wanted to break him. It wasn't really him - it was some twisted plot of that bastard's."

"It was me," Vegeta insisted brokenly.

Goku fought to ignore his prince's comments. He wanted Piccolo to understand Vegeta hadn't been responsible. He didn't want the Namek to be angry with his prince - he knew how important their friendship was.

"It didn't work though. Instead of breaking Vegeta, it made him stronger. Frieza has been tormenting him since Buu - even from hell, but he killed the fucking lizard," Goku finished proudly.

Vegeta breathed raggedly into the silence, aware he was under the studied gaze of the Namek and Kakorr. He knew, although he couldn't understand why, Kakorr did not hold him responsible. Piccolo however... He raised his head to stare into the Namek's dark eyes with a mixture of fear and defiance. He could hear his own heart beating as he waited for his friend's response.

Piccolo gave a grunt of derision. Goku raised his head in alarm. He couldn't be angry with Vegeta, could he?

"The voice, your strange behavior, your ki changes, your power drop - this whole thing you've been going through - that was all Frieza?" Piccolo finally asked.

"Yes," Vegeta whispered.

"And you think everything that happened is your fault?" the Namek continued.

"Yes, I should have..."

"Idiot."

"Piccolo," Goku growled.

"No. Vegeta, sometimes you are an idiot. How in the hell can you blame yourself? Goku doesn't blame you, and it doesn't sound like you could have prevented it."

"I never-"

"You are supposed to go through life never loving anyone because of that lizard freak? Are you going to give him that much power over you? You love Goku, don't you?" Piccolo asked, obviously annoyed.

"Yes," Vegeta answered, confused at this type of response.

"Then don't be such an asshole. Goku's alive. Frieza's dead. You killed him. You won. The lizard lost. The end."

Vegeta stared at him in shock that was rapidly becoming anger.

"What, you wanted sympathy? Poor thing - you defeated the enemy. Is that what you are looking for?"

Vegeta's tail snapped through the air and growled.

"Goku has my sympathy - he is the one who got hurt, not you. I'll help you, Vegeta, but I refuse to pity you."

Goku watched them in amazement. He never expected this from Piccolo, and Vegeta... He suddenly viewed the Namek with newly discovered admiration. At the moment, Vegeta wasn't depressed - he was confused and furious. He resented being spoken to this way. He didn't understand Vegeta's need to be punished... but maybe that was what Piccolo was giving him right now... Goku wondered how the Namek knew - because he could never speak to anyone like this.

"Look, Elf-boy, I don't know where you get off talking to me like that, I am-"

"Yeah, yeah. I know. The Prince of All Saiyans. Get a new tune," Piccolo answered, arms crossed, glaring down at the angry prince.

"Bastard," Vegeta said, tail thrashing, fists clenched.

"Look - things got fucked up in ways I can't even imagine. But damn it, Vegeta - it isn't the end of the world. We survived that, remember?"

Goku couldn't help grinning. Vegeta was pissed and life was good.

TBC