Patience: Frustration

Patience
By Pixelgoddess

Summary - Vegeta has had his eye on Goku for years, but isn't willing to make the first move. Will either of them bend?

This started out life as a series of one-shots, with required sentences - first `Why did you stop?', then `I've been waiting a long time for this' and `You wouldn't dare.' Now look what has happened - it's taken on a life of its own.

Pairings - oh please - I almost never write anything but Goku and Vegeta. What do you think?

Warnings - This is me you are talking about - expect smut and angst, pretty much in equal measure. With enough sap to thin it out. Goku/Vegeta. Sex. Kissing. Smut. Yaoi. (Does everyone know what that means?) And now that the cat is out of the bag - mpreg.

A disclaimer too? *sighs* Would I worry about paying my bills if I owned them? Hell, if I owned them, there would have been more naked Saiyans, more sex, Goku would have saved Vegeta, and the prince would have been the one to pound the lizard to a pulp.

Chapter 7 - Frustration

Vegeta leaned against a wall at the Lookout, waiting none too patiently for Dende to finish examining Kakarott. They had flown here together, Kakarott's ki finally having stabilized enough so any drops in ki were gradual and almost predictable. It wasn't that his mate's ki had really gone down - it was more like the baby was using it so he couldn't access it himself. Still, he wasn't as worried about his mate falling from the sky - it was more likely that Kakarott wouldn't have enough ki to fly at any given moment.

“Vegeta,” Piccolo said, landing and crossing over to him, “What brings you here? Is Goku okay?”

“He's fine. End of the first quarter - just a check-up.” He was doing his best to be more involved in this child's birth; somehow it seemed easier this time. Maybe it was some hard-wired Saiyan instinct to protect a tasan. Then again, maybe it was guilt at putting Kakarott through this. He wasn't used to examining his motives, but it seemed to be necessary when dealing with Kakarott.

Piccolo nodded, “Good. Maybe he'll settle down now. He just hasn't been himself lately. I wish I knew what was bothering him so much.”

Vegeta scowled. Kakarott's willingness to share things with the Namek galled him at times; it wouldn't be so bad if he talked to Vegeta the same way, but there were still things Piccolo knew that he did not. “I figured he would have told you all about it.”

Piccolo frowned back at him, “I'm not trying to come between you two, if that's what you're thinking.”

“Could have fooled me.”

“Fine. Maybe I was at first. I'm not now - I haven't since you said you were mated.”

“You're serious,” Vegeta said, not completely sure he believed the Namek.

Piccolo shrugged, “He made his choice.”

Vegeta looked at him appraisingly. Maybe it was better that he didn't know Kakarott hadn't really made a choice yet. He seemed to be incapable of completely committing to having Vegeta as his mate. There was something troubling Kakarott, holding him back, but he wouldn't reveal what it was even when Vegeta asked him. Most of the time Vegeta was able to accept it, hoping that when his empathy returned Kakarott would want him to be his mate the same way Kakarott was his. Other times…frustration, annoyance, anger and even rage - what was holding Kakarott back? Was being his mate so horrible that he would hesitate so long?

“Did Kakarott tell you anything?” he asked hopefully.

“No. All I know is he is worried about something - but I don't know what.”

Vegeta let out a sigh and leaned back, closing his eyes. He could feel the churning of Kakarott's emotions, but as usual couldn't tell what was causing the ever increasing anxiety. Suddenly he felt a spike of…worry? Fear? He pushed off the wall and rushed into the room.

“Kakarott? What's wrong?”

Kakarott looked at him wide-eyed, mouth opening and closing as he tried to form a response.

“Is there something wrong with the baby?” he asked, trying to ignore the knot that threatened to form in his stomach.

“The baby is fine, Vegeta,” Dende said smiling, “Goku's just feeling a little anxious, I think. He's fine, though; completely on schedule.”

Vegeta went to his mate, now sitting with his eyes downcast, and brushed his fingertips over his cheek. “Kakarott?”

Kakarott looked at him and made a small apologetic smile. “Sorry,” he whispered, “I didn't mean to worry you.”

“Are you sure you're alright?” he asked softly, wishing he could read Kakarott's thoughts.

Kakarott nodded his head slightly, “Yeah. Nothing to worry about.”

He held back a sigh - they'd gone through this before. Kakarott wouldn't tell him until he was ready - and Vegeta was worried he might never be. “Fine. Let's go home.” He drew closer, wrapping an arm around his mate's waist, preparing to feed him energy. He recognized the beginning of a low cycle for Kakarott's power, but with a little boost he should make it home safely; without it they'd be stuck here all day. “Just let me give you some ki.”

“No!” Kakarott exclaimed, pushing him away, a hint of panic in his voice. “I'm fine. I'll stay here for awhile.”

Vegeta frowned and dropped his hand, curling it into a fist, torn between pain and fury. Afraid… Kakarott was afraid of him. He turned and pushed by the Namek still standing in the doorway. “You win,” he muttered, flying away.

-------------------------

Vegeta flew into a brutal kata, trying with little success to ignore the hurt and rage Kakarott's rejection caused. He considered and dismissed using the gravity room - at the moment he had so little control over his ki it was likely he'd destroy it; with Bulma and Trunks gone, getting it rebuilt was always a problem. The explosions of rocks and the earth showering down on him were more satisfying somehow; destruction felt good.

He paused in his violence when he felt the approach of Kakarott and the Namek - come to gloat, no doubt. He frowned at himself when he felt a protective surge at the realization a protesting Kakarott was slung over Piccolo's shoulder. His mate's ki had dropped, leaving him without the strength to escape. Vegeta could hear him demanding to be put down.

“What the hell do you want?” he growled. He wasn't sure he could guarantee the Namek's safety at the moment; he had to keep reminding himself someone had to take care of Kakarott to protect their child.

“You forgot something,” Piccolo said, lowering a struggling Kakarott to the ground. He angrily pushed away from the Namek before looking at his surroundings. As soon as their eyes met Kakarott dropped his gaze to the ground, hunching his shoulders in awkward discomfort.

Vegeta glared at the pair, trying to hide how much he wanted to comfort and protect his mate. “I didn't forget a damn thing. Kakarott made himself perfectly clear.”

Kakarott glanced back at the Namek as if asking for help but Piccolo shook his head, “No. This is your problem and you have to fix it.” He caught Vegeta's eye, “Make him talk. Sit on him if necessary. Work it out. I'm tired of being in the middle of this.”

They looked on in surprise as Piccolo suddenly flew away, leaving an obviously upset Kakarott behind, his ki too low to follow. Vegeta turned and stretched, preparing to go back to his training. All he wanted to do was go to Kakarott and take him in his arms, but he couldn't - what if his mate rejected him yet again? Then what? What was he supposed to do?

“Vegeta,” Kakarott pleaded, “I'm sorry. I didn't mean it.”

“Bullshit!” he snapped. All his fights with Bulma had never managed to hurt him as much as one little action from his mate. He couldn't run from this anymore; he wanted - needed - Kakarott, but no matter how much he tried to get closer the further apart they became. “You've obviously made your choice, Kakarott, and it isn't me. It's the Namek. It's always the fucking Namek.”

“That's not true! I lo-“

“Love? Is that what you were going to say Kakarott?” he said bitterly. “I told you the humans have made the word meaningless and this only proves it.”

“But you're my mate,” Kakarott protested.

He hated the pain that poured off of Kakarott and crossed over to him, cupping his cheek in his hand. Something about the way his mate's face felt against his fingertips always comforted him - made him feel closer. It was one of many things he would miss on losing Kakarott. His mate looked at him hopefully, but he could only shake his head sadly, suddenly unable to feel any anger, only an aching emptiness. How could this have gone so wrong?

“No,” he said sadly, “you are my mate, but I'm not yours. You won't let me be.”

“Vegeta…” he pleaded, tears starting to fill his eyes. “Please don't do this. We are mated.”

“I thought we were…I was wrong. I want us to be mates. I've opened myself up to you - something I've never done before. Not even with Bulma.” Couldn't Kakarott see how vulnerable Vegeta had made himself so they would be even stronger together? He dropped his hand and turned away, “I was a fool.”

“No…no you weren't,” Kakarott whispered, reaching for him.

Vegeta made himself push his mate away, “If I had known I was going to lose you like this I never would have let you kiss me,” he said miserably.

Kakarott dropped to his knees with a sob, “Are you leaving me?”

He sighed. “I can't - I can never leave you now…but I can't make you stay.”

“Vegeta… Please… I'll do better. I'll get stronger.”

“Mates are supposed to need each other, Kakarott, but you refuse to let yourself need me. Anytime you are upset, or your ki starts to drop, you go running to the Namek.” He could barely control himself - he was so frustrated, so overwhelmed, he only wanted to shout. “Why Kakarott? I've done my best to change - I've told you things…

“And today - I tried to help you and you were afraid. Afraid! Of me! Piccolo has actually killed you, but you don't seem to care about that. I can't hurt you; you're my mate. What have I done? How can you be afraid of me?”

“I'm not-“

“I felt it Kakarott.”

“You don't understand.”

“Then make me understand, damn it!” he shouted. “Talk to me. Tell me what's wrong.” He dropped to the ground, “I don't want to lose you Kakarott, but knowing that you are afraid of me--”

“I'm not! I'm not afraid of you…I trust you.”

Vegeta shook his head, “I know what I felt.”

Kakarott grabbed his arm. “What I'm afraid of is losing you. Not of you - never of you. I'm terrified I'll fail you in some way - that I won't be the Saiyan you want. This…being pregnant is hard, Vegeta; it's changing me. I think different; I act different…it's taking away everything I am, making me weak and helpless.”

Vegeta was willing - wanted desperately - to accept any honest explanation Kakarott would give him if it meant they could stay together. Losing a mate… he didn't want to think of how difficult that would be. “Do you think I blame you for something beyond your control?” He frowned inwardly - he had in the past. Hopefully Kakarott would realize he had changed - he wasn't like that anymore. “I don't think any less of you for it, if that is what you are worried about.”

“I know how much you value strength …and now I'm weak so much of the time… Damn it Vegeta! I hardly have the strength to stand, let alone fly right now.”

Vegeta felt a surge of annoyance, quickly quashed. “Do you think that is the only reason I am with you, Kakarott? Your strength? Do you honestly believe I would leave you if it were gone? Your strength attracted my attention when we first met nearly a century ago, but that's not why I wanted you for a mate.” He scowled - how could Kakarott misunderstand so much? “Do you really think I am so shallow that I would choose a mate based on strength alone?”

“No… I just….”

“You're my friend, Kakarott. I was hesitant to let you know how I really felt because I didn't want to risk losing that friendship. But then you kissed me and I thought it would be alright. Don't tell me I was wrong - don't tell me I'm losing you over this.”

“You're not. Please believe me, Vegeta. I'm just so confused….”

“Kakarott…we knew your being a tasan would be a difficult adjustment; that's why I didn't want to make you feel forced into keeping the baby.” He sighed sadly; he didn't want Kakarott to end this pregnancy, “You still have time to change your mind…”

“You don't really mean that. I know you want this baby as much as I do. I just… I don't want you to regret being with me… My ki keeps failing me… I used to be so strong and now look at me.”

“All of these changes are temporary, Kakarott. Your ki will return after the baby is born.” He felt his mate's frustration and thought he was beginning to understand what had been happening; Kakarott had held back because he was trying to hide what he thought Vegeta would reject him for.

“What if it doesn't?!”

Vegeta moved over and sat on the ground beside his mate. “It still won't matter - you are my mate no matter what happens. But it will return - all the records say that. During pregnancy tasans are supposed to depend on their mate for strength and protection…it's normal.” He could feel the relief flowing through Kakarott - was this really what had caused them so much trouble?

“You really don't mind that I need you so much?”

Vegeta chuckled softly and drew his mate closer. “I don't mind at all. I know this is difficult for you. Kakarott, I want to be your shield and support through this. I want you to need me.”

Kakarott turned and hugged him back; gone was the sense his mate was hiding something. “I'm an idiot, aren't I?” Kakarott mumbled against his shoulder.

“It was your turn - I did it last time.” He grinned to himself at his mate's quick laugh.

“Think we'll ever get it right?” Kakarott asked, sitting up enough to look Vegeta in the eye.

“Eventually…Saiyans live a long time. We've got centuries to screw up in,” he smirked.

“Piccolo's gonna kill us before we're through,” Kakarott said, shifting to make himself more comfortable.

Vegeta barked a laugh. “He can try.” He brushed his fingertips thoughtfully over his mate's cheek, enjoying the feel of Kakarott's body against his. “Did he actually carry you like that the whole way here?”

He felt a wave of embarrassment from his mate. “Yeah…he was really pissed at me. Told me if I was going to act like a child he was going to treat me like one.”

“You aren't a child.”

Kakarott made I wry smile, “Maybe not, but he was right - I was acting like one. I should have told you what was wrong instead of trying to tell Piccolo. He yelled at me…said if I was old enough to have sex with you and have a baby with you I was old enough to talk to you. And then he picked me up and carried me here.”

Vegeta shook his head, “I don't understand that damn Namek. What the hell is he up to?” One minute he was trying to take Kakarott from him and the next he was practically shoving him at Vegeta. “And where does he get off touching you like that?” he snapped.

“Are you going to hit him for it?” Kakarott said warily.

Vegeta sighed. “No.” He saw Kakarott's relieved smile and scowled, “But don't think I haven't considered it!”

-------------------------------------

Vegeta smiled to himself as his mate drew closer to him in his sleep. He could feel the small churn of the baby's ki at the movement, quickly settling down into a steady glow.

Over the past few days he and Kakarott had actually talked. He was right; being a tasan was having a strange effect on his mate. Maybe it was because he wasn't able to train as intensely and as long as before, but as of late Kakarott was more introspective. Every little question or doubt became magnified until it blocked everything else from his mind.

Vegeta had been surprised at how many unvoiced fears his mate had. He had never seemed like the worrying type before, instead facing each day with cheerful anticipation; this change had to be triggered by the pregnancy.

Kakarott even blamed himself for his sons' deaths - like it was his fault for being a Saiyan. Vegeta had gone through the same pain, and understood, but he had no real regrets - Trunks had been one of the best things in his life. How could any of them have foreseen that the cost of their phenomenal strength was the rapid burn-out of their all-too-human bodies? At least he could sympathize with his mate in this - and remind him that as a full-blooded Saiyan this child would not suffer the same fate.

The nightmares bothered Kakarott the least, but disturbed Vegeta the most. His mate's dreams of dying seemed much too close to his own fears… Maybe to Kakarott it was only a passing mention because he had died so many times already, but it created an undercurrent of anxiety for Vegeta. He couldn't bear the thought of losing another person he had gotten so close to - and to lose him as a mate… He pushed it to the back of his mind as another fear needlessly magnified.

Vegeta took a deep breath, inhaling his mate's scent, pushing these dark thoughts away. Now that some things were out in the open, Kakarott was already happier and more relaxed. Based on the way he was pressed against in Vegeta in his sleep, he was obviously craving attention, which he was more than happy to give. Kakarott's ki was starting its upward climb again, but it would be at least a day before his mate would be able to fly…and until then…

He grinned. There were plenty of other ways for them to exercise. He was determined to prove to his mate that the lack of ki was not going to be a problem for either of them. When Kakarott was ready, he was definitely going to have to demonstrate until his mate understood - preferably repeatedly. Maybe when Kakarott woke up…