The Waltz Chronicles: Session II: Guided By Voices

Outer space. It's become even more silent and cold ever since that day me and Heero battled, and you and I went our separate ways on this path we call life. But before we said our good-byes, you reached out to me, hoping to bring me back from the edge I had already fallen from long before. But if there was anyone who could knock some much-needed sense into me, it would have to be you, Noin. Your about the only thing that keeps me from recklessly going into battle on some kind of one-way trip to Hell and the grave that awaits me there.


But I was too far gone...and on that day, I fell to my death, on that day, the devil within me claimed its pound of flesh. I cared only of one thing.


Battling Gundam pilot Heero Yuy.



I valued and respected his fighting prowess, his determination. Everytime we battled, from Antarctica to the Sanq Kingdom, and finally, outer space, he seemed to have grown in his already outstanding piloting skills. But, not only that, he grew in maturity. When we first met, behind those hard eyes was a mere child, a boy, completely unsure of himself and his reasons for having to kill. But as time went on, he changed, and by the time we clashed at the Sanq Kingdom, it was almost as though he was no longer that confused, unsure little boy I knew. No, he had grown. There was a calmness and understanding in his eyes. He now understood his reasons for having to fight, and to kill - because there were people like me in the world.


And the boy had became a man.


Perhaps that is why we haven't killed each other. Because we value each other's skills in combat, we understand each other. Heero and I are one in the same. We have no past, no future, and we know not what to protect but what to destroy.


And while your beliefs were different than mine Noin, I can now understand why.


War is Hell.


Killing is Hell.


So much blood has tainted my hands for so long that I find it impossible to purge from my skin. Blood marks my past. Blood marks my future. And the maggots of war have all but chewed my heart, my compassion, to bits. Everyone I've killed, each one of them a maggot ready to feast on me. And like a leech, it sucks the emotion from my veins. When I fight, I feel nothing. All emotions but those which define savage are all but non-existent. Why, I become nothing more than a humanoid Mobile Doll.


But you, Noin...your voice reaches me and becomes the light that burns away the darkness. You make me feel human.


Alive.


Like I have a practical reason for living for something other than the next duel.


Epyon allowed me to feel pain - your pain - the pain of war, sacrifice, if even just for a moment. Behind your eyes was pain and fear. Your usual strongness was no where to be found, and in its place, nothing more than the shadows of fear that threatened to consume you. You were trying to reach out to me. Trying to save me from myself. My wild ambitions. My demons. And for a moment, you held my hand. Pulled me in from the raging waters of confusion.


But I allowed myself to foolishly slip away into the tide, to be carried to the destiny that awaited me. To my death.


I can hear you calling me, my name. You sound frightened, and holding your heart, hiding it like some delicate flower. A moonflower, set to bloom only at night. And only in dreams can you and I exist together, as one body and spirit. Only there can fantasy become surreal reality. Only there can otherwise private thoughts become actions.


Only there can I tell you of the torment I've endured all this time. And only there can I feel human.


But it is only now, after self-discovery and realization that I hope to make that dream a reality.


Please Noin...call me. Lead me home, to my new life.


**