Face It All Together: Amends

Mortifer huffed an angry sigh, placing his cold coffee mug on the counter next to him before the urge to smash it against the floor took over him. He began pacing the kitchen area, rubbing his eyes with his palms. He’d fucked up again. It was just like they’d used to be. So close yet as distant as ever. Was this all he was meant to do? Screw up relationships with others? It sure seemed like that was his purpose, it’s all he’d been doing his entire life. Something had to change.

Lashing his tail, Mortifer made a decision. It wasn’t an easy one for him, but he was making an active effort to change himself after all. This would be the first step someone would take to mend something they’d injured with another. He hesitantly left the kitchen area, making his way down the hallway leading to their separate bedrooms and the bathroom. As he reached Victor’s door, he tentatively knocked. No answer. He knocked again, a little louder this time. Nothing.

Finally, after about two minutes of his mind playing a sick game of tug-of-war, he turned the handle and cracked the door open just enough to peer inside.

 

Victor’s room was much more messy than Mortifer had remembered it being when they first moved in; clothes scattered all over, both dirty and clean, cups and plates and utensils all over his nightstand, the unplugged alarm clock, dusty surfaces, closed curtains and general depressing nature to what Mortifer could see of the room. How long had Victor been living like this?

 

“Go away Mortifer.” Victor was curled up on his bed, and his voice was shaky and quiet, but it was stern. Mortifer considered just shutting the door and leaving him to cool off for the day, but he knew that wouldn’t get them anywhere. Instead he opened the door enough for himself to enter the room, nearly stepping on one of Victor’s posters that once clung to the back of his door, but was now partially crumpled on the floor.

 

“Victor, we need to talk. I know that sounds stupid and cliche, but–”

 

“Out.” Victor tossed a pillow at Mortifer, who dodged it just in time. Not that it would’ve hurt him, but the gesture was enough to spark an angry fire in his gut that could easily boil over again if he wasn’t careful.

Despite Victor’s protests, Mortifer approached further, sitting himself on the edge of Victor’s bed. He felt the corvid shift further towards the opposite edge.

For a moment neither of them spoke, whether it was out of anger or not knowing what to say would never be known. Mortifer focused his attention on Victor’s quickened and shaky breathing, which was interrupted by the occasional sharp inhale, almost as if Victor was…crying?

 

“I’m sorry. For real.” Mortifer immediately blurted out. In the past knowing he’d made Victor cry wouldn't have affected him hardly at all, but now? It was like a punch in the stomach. Victor had always been nothing but welcoming and optimistic for Mortifer, constantly wanting to do things with him or even just be around him. When they had their huge fight all those years back and Mortifer had said all those hurtful things to Victor, things that had made Victor cry back then, Mortifer hadn’t even bothered to think about how it affected Victor, just feeling glad to be free of the corvid’s annoyances and constant pestering. But now? Mortifer felt awful. Awful about how he’d been to Victor then, how he treated everyone back then, although not many had gotten as much of a violent earful as Victor, and how awful he’d been to himself in the process. He’d basically burned all his bridges with everyone he’d once known, all except Victor and a select handful of others who were kind-hearted enough to put up with his shit.

 

“That’s how it always goes.” Victor snapped Mortifer out of his thoughts with a sniffle. Mortifer could feel pin pricks at the corners of his eyes, but he blinked them away. Crying wasn’t an option now.

Victor turned his head slightly to side-eye Mortifer, eyes watery and cheek feathers stained with tears. Mortifer sighed at his statement, knowing it was true. Each time a fight happened with someone, not just between the two of them, one always apologized to the other, saying it was for real. Then they’d be fine and happy for a while longer, but soon things would fall apart again. More fights would break out, and things would be patched up, all in an endless cycle of hurt.

But that’s where Mortifer wanted to break the cycle with Victor.

 

“I know. But this isn’t one of those times. I know you’re hurting. I know I hurt you. I want to make it right again.” Mortifer stated. He refused to break eye contact with Victor.

 

“It wasn’t just you…” Victor mumbled, turning away and staring at the blinds over his window.

 

What? Mortifer knew he probably wasn’t the only one who’d disliked Victor, or even been mean to him, but he’d hardly heard of another incident from Victor. But then again, Victor probably didn’t trust Mortifer with anything so personal anymore…

 

“Then who…?” Mortifer didn’t finish his sentence. Victor was sobbing now, choked cries escaping his beak, which was now buried in the crook of one arm, body shaking. Upon impulse Mortifer reached out and placed a hand on Victor’s trembling shoulder. The feathers on the other’s skin prickled at the touch, but he hardly had half a mind to shoo Mortifer away between sobs.

 

“Victor. You’re alright. You can tell me. I’m…not going to hurt you again.” Mortifer’s own breaths were growing shaky, his chest tightening. He inwardly willed his tears not to fall.

They sat like that for a little while longer, Mortifer rubbing small circles into Victor’s shoulder subconsciously with his thumb. Once Victor had calmed down a bit, he rolled over onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. Mortifer was eager to know what was upsetting Victor like this, other than the obvious, but he didn’t want to pressure him, so he stayed silent until Victor spoke first.

 

“I’ve always been such a kid. Everyone hated how I was, especially out in the real world. I was a laughing stock. Who else is obsessed with the small things that are easily missed in life, the things that don’t really matter? Who else is easily entertained and practically a pet, just following blindly and not asking questions, obeying every command? Who else is so easily upset by everything that goes wrong? Just me, that’s who.” Victor lamented. Mortifer opened his beak to say something, but Victor cut him off.

 

“Don’t tell me it’s untrue. You know it isn’t. You even said it yourself all those years ago. I’m always playing the hero card, the good guy, the one who wants everything to be perfect. The happy guy who never cries, the one who does anything for anyone without a second thought. I’m a throwaway.” Victor hiccuped those last words, covering his eyes with his hands.

Mortifer was at a loss for words. Sure, he knew Victor must’ve struggled with things at some point in his life, but he had no idea it had affected him so much, even to this day. Which was foolish of him, really. Everyone was affected by something, one way or another. And Victor wasn’t exempt from that at all. But with him always being so…carefree, Mortifer figured it wasn’t as big of a deal to the corvid. Oh how wrong he was.

 

“Victor…I’m sorry. I know you must be sick of hearing that, but truly, I’m sorry. If I’d known how much you’ve been hurt, not just by me, I would’ve…” Mortifer trailed off. What would he have done?

Victor looked over at him expectantly, awaiting the finished statement. Mortifer swallowed the lump in his throat.

 

“I would’ve done what I could to help. Maybe not immediately, you know better than anyone how I was back then, but after what happened? I’ve changed, Victor. I’m not just a cruel, malevolent dude anymore. Sure I still slip up, I still fall back on those old instincts, but Victor, I want to change. For the better.” Mortifer concluded. It was half for Victor to hear, half for himself to hear. He hadn’t really known why he’d changed one day, it was like a switch had been flipped in his mind, one that flooded him with realizations and truth about what he’d become. It had hit him like a train back then.

 

Victor locked eyes with Mortifer again, turning his head to face the other. He didn’t say anything, but Mortifer knew what his eyes were giving away. Shock, surprise, and strongest of all, acceptance. Victor finally seemed to believe what Mortifer was saying.

 

Without a word, Victor sat up abruptly, lunging towards Mortfier. He nearly knocked the taller avian off the edge of his bed from the force of the impact, but luckily Mortifer caught them.

Victor embraced Mortifer in a tight hug, one that surprised the other with how…sincere it felt. It took him a moment to collect his thoughts, but Mortifer finally hugged back, patting Victor’s back gently.

 

“We’ll be alright. We can heal together.” Victor mumbled, face buried in Mortifer’s shirt. That broke the dam for Mortifer. Tears finally fell from his tired eyes. He softly placed his chin atop Victor’s head, chuckling through his tears. If it was what Victor wanted, then they’d heal together indeed.

 

Mortifer

1598 words - 30

Extra stryx-3

Flockmate-4

Personal-3

Total= 40 AP

 

Victor

1598 words - 30

Extra stryx-3

Flockmate-4

Total= 37 AP