SGA: Definition of Irony: Is That an Obelisk in Your Pocket...?

    “I still don’t think it’s a good idea,” Elizabeth Weir said to her Head of Military and Chief Scientist as they walked to the control room.

    “Rodney and I can handle this on our own,” John protested, shoving his hands into his pockets.

    Rodney nodded excitedly. “There’s an EM field surrounding the planet, so it’s not like the Wraith can get us. It’s a lot like M7G-677.”

    “The planet with the kids?” Elizabeth asked, turning her attention to Rodney.

    “Yeah, that one. It’s completely safe.

    Elizabeth frowned.

    “It’s a simple recon mission, Elizabeth,” prodded John, trying to sway her opinion.

    “I don’t feel comfortable sending in a two man team,” she told the men. “Just wait until Ronon and Teyla get back from their trading mission.”

    “But the anomalous readings might be gone by then!” Rodney complained.

    Elizabeth stopped abruptly, crossing her arms. “How could the MALP pick up any readings when there is an EM field?” she asked suspiciously, narrowing her eyes at the astrophysicist.

    Rodney frowned. “That’s why they’re anomalous. Elizabeth, we have to check it out!”

    Sighing, Elizabeth continued to the control room. Having these two hounding her was like taking two little boys into a toy store.

    “Well?” prompted John, raising his eyebrows.

    Accepting a tablet from one of the technicians, Elizabeth didn’t answer immediately. She found it amusing when Rodney was really excited about something. At the moment he looked like he was trying hard not to jump up and down. Smiling inwardly, she moved into her office, John and Rodney on her heels. When she sat down, John perched on the edge of her desk and Rodney fidgeted in front of her.

    Fixing her best poker face in place, she finally answered. “Fine.”

    “Excellent! I’m going to go get my stuff,” Rodney said, leaving her office with a grin on his face.

    “Why are you even interested?” Elizabeth asked her Head of Military, clasping her hands together on her desk in front of her.

    John grinned down at her. “Rodney promised that if I helped persuade you to let us go, he would give me his dessert ration for a week.”

    The infectious grin spread over Elizabeth’s features as well. “Ah. Well, just make sure Rodney doesn’t get himself electrocuted. We’d never hear the end of it. And if there are any signs of danger…”

    “Yeah, yeah. Get our asses back to the ‘gate.” John stood, smiled at Elizabeth and followed after Rodney to get his gear.

    The MALP, before abruptly loosing signal, had said that this planet was hot, so John decided to go without his jacket, slipping his TAC vest over his tee-shirt. He quickly fastened his side arm to his leg and grabbed up his P-90 and some extra ammo, just in case, before heading out to the gate room. On his way down the hall, he ran into Rodney, who was carrying a large pack.

    “Are any of those computers even going to work?” he asked, eyeing up the cumbersome load.

    “They will after I shut down the EM field,” replied Rodney, grinning.

    John rolled his eyes, pulling out a pair of dark sunglasses and slipping them on. “You do know you’re gonna have to carry that, right? We can’t take the Jumper…”

    “Believe it or not, I did take that into account. Can we just go now?” grumbled Rodney, hefting his pack.

    John nodded up at the technician to dial the ‘gate. They watched the ka-whoosh explode forward from the naquahdah ring of the Stargate and settle into place like a glimmering vertical pool.

    “John,” Elizabeth called from the balcony just before they stepped into the Event Horizon.

    Rodney sighed impatiently as they looked up at their leader.

    “Yo.”

    “Be careful.”

    John nodded, turning back to the ‘gate. He paused briefly, looking at the bright blue wall of plasma before stepping through.

 

    After being demolecularized and put back together, John and Rodney emerged from the ‘gate on M8G-921.

    “Looks like British Columbia,” commented Rodney, looking around. “Except the extra sun, of course. I should have brought sunscreen. The UV index must be through the roof. I’m going to burn so badly.”

    John looked around at all of the mountains and trees before turning his gaze on Rodney. “Don’t you have something to do? I don’t want to be here any longer than we have to be.”

    “Mm. Yes. Right, of course.” Rodney pulled a tablet from his pack and took readings. John noticed it was working perfectly fine.

    “Why isn’t that thing dead?” he asked, peering over Rodney’s shoulder.

    “Whatever is emitting the EM field doesn’t extend all the way to the ‘gate. That’s how we got MALP telemetry in the first place,” Rodney answered, looking over at where said MALP had moved to avoid the ka-whoosh.

    John nodded and looked around for the DHD. It was sitting about thirty feet away in the grass. That was usually something he never had to concern himself with because the Jumpers had built in dial home devices.

    As he looked around, John felt an odd sensation on the back of his neck, telling him something was strange about this place. With so many trees, there were too many places to hide. Just because there weren’t any Wraith, didn’t mean there weren’t hostile villagers hanging about.

    After studying his tablet for a few minutes, Rodney pointed off in the rough direction of north east. “That way. There’s definitely something over there,” he said, safely stowing the tablet back in his pack.

    “How far?” asked John as they started walking through the open clearing in which the ‘gate sat.

    “Not sure. The EM field was messing with the equipment. It seems to correspond with the tree line,” Rodney answered, as always, providing more information than was relevant to such a simple question.

    John just nodded and continued to walk in the direction that Rodney had pointed. He kept a tight grip on his weapon as they entered the forest. He paid close attention to every small sound in the area. Every snapping twig, every bird call.

    There must have been a lot of rain on this planet, because the forest was so humid. With the humidity and the duel suns, John was sweating profusely in no time. And Rodney was complaining loudly.

    “This heat is ridiculous! How anything can grow--” he trailed off, his eyes spotting something through the trees.

    John saw his line of sight, but couldn’t quite make out what he was looking at. “What?”

    “That, over there.” Rodney pointed through the trees.

    John spotted it instantly. In a clearing stood a tall, cylindrical structure made of something silver and shiny. He couldn’t say steel, because he wasn’t really sure if this galaxy actually had steel. “Do you think that’s what’s causing the readings?” he asked as they headed toward the clearing.

    “I’m positive. And if it still works through the EM field, it might be powered by a ZedPM,” Rodney answered, having to pick up his pace to keep up with John’s stride.

    As they entered the clearing, John looked up at the obelisk-like structure.  “This thing’s as tall as the ‘gate,” he observed, letting out a slow whistle.

    “I’d say taller,” Rodney replied, dumping his pack on the ground and running his hands over the smooth surface of the structure.

    As Rodney was busy having a science-gasm, John was looking over the structure. Despite its height, it wasn’t very thick. He could probably almost wrap his arms around it. The entire surface, except for a small screen in the backside was smooth and polished. Along with the screen, there was a panel set into the ground, in which Rodney was already elbow-deep.

    “So…any ideas?” John asked, his eyes constantly scanning the area.

    Rodney sat up and glared at John. “I’ve been working on this for two minutes, so no. No ideas yet,” he grumbled before diving back into the open panel.

    John shook his head and caught a glimpse of crystals where Rodney was working. “Ancient?” he now asked.

    “I don’t know yet!” came the muffled response.

    John decided to give up o the question asking for now and turn his attention to the little screen. It was on the opposite side to which Rodney was working and at about shoulder height. The screen was blank until John faced it, then it lit up with scrolling columns of unfamiliar symbols. “This doesn’t look like Ancient,” he mumbled to himself.

    Rodney must have heard him because he was beside John instantly. “What did you do?” he demanded.

    “Nothing.”

    “Alright then, what did you touch?” Rodney demanded.

    “I didn’t touch anything! I walked up to it, that’s all!” protested John.

    Rodney shoved him out of the way and stood in front of the screen, studying the symbols. A deep frown creased his brow.

    “Well?”

    “I’ve never seen these symbols before. They definitely aren’t Ancient. They could be the language of the people that live on this planet, if there are any…”

    “Well, if you can’t understand it, there really isn’t anything else you can do here. Let’s get back to Atlantis and--” John was cut off by an electric hum. “What the hell is that?” he asked as Rodney got back on his knees to start moving crystals around inside the panel.

    “Give me a minute.”

    “I don’t think we have that long!” John growled through clenched teeth. The hum was rising steadily, quickly becoming deafening.

    “It won’t shut down!” Rodney shouted over the noise. It was well known that Rodney’s ability to overcome impending disaster was directly related to his level of panic, and at the moment, his level of panic was rising.

    “What do you mean, it won’t shut down?” John demanded, watching as the whole structure began to vibrate.

    “We gotta go!”

    John yanked Rodney up by his TAC vest, grabbed his pack and started back in the direction of the ‘gate. The humming continued to get louder even though they were getting further away.

    “Rodney! Dial home!” John shouted when the DHD came into view. Rodney didn’t need to be told twice. He grabbed the device and began slapping the symbols for Atlantis.

    “Now would be good, Rodney!”

    “No, really? I was--” The rest of his retort was cut off when he looked over his shoulder and saw a dome of blue-white light extending from the top of the odd silver tower.

    “Rodney!” John growled harshly, looking between the scientist and the growing dome of light.

    “Crap.” Turning back to the DHD, Rodney smacked the last symbol and the wormhole erupted from the stargate.

    “Go, go, go!” urged John, grabbing Rodney’s collar and pulling him toward the ‘gate. They were almost there when John was blinded. He could hear Rodney next to him and felt a rush of air past his face as the ground came up to meet him. A burning-cold sensation overwhelmed his entire body seconds before everything around him vanished.