Deleted Scene From Macbeth: Chapter 1

Deleted Scene From Macbeth

Act III, Scene vi. In McDuff's grand castle. Night. Lady Macbeth is leaving the castle through the front portcullis.

 

Macbeth- Whither goest thou on such a blighted and wintry night, my lady?

 

Lady Macbeth- Without, my lord, to the privy.

 

Macbeth- Wherefore do not thou useth yonder chamber pot? Tis doubtless warmer and more comfy than that icy shithouse beyond the walls of McDuff's keep.

 

Lady Macbeth- Because, my beloved husband, I partook gluttonously of leftover salt pork and beans this very morn to break my fast. I fear that the fetor of my poo might gag thee.

 

Macbeth- O dutiful and selfless wife. It tames my murd'rous heart to be wedded to such a woman as thee, who wouldst suffer the bite of the January wind to spare my nares the reek from her bottom. Come, I insist that she who willst soon be queen willst never again tolerate the outside lav. Here, my dearest, poop in this potty I hold before thee.

 

Lady Macbeth- You are kind to me, my Thane. And not a moment too soon. Nnnnnnggh, mmmmmph, frrrrrrtt FRRRRRRT! BLATTA BLATTA BRRRRRUPPUPUPUPUP! Fweeeeeeeeeeeeet. Parappity parappity FRATPARTY!!! Gweeesh!

 

Macbeth- Aaaaaargh, tis a horrific stench, woman! Out, damnable witch! Your innards are possessed by malefic sprites! Out, out I say! And take that stinky chamber pot with you!!!