On My Holiday To Durban

Chapter 1: Chapter 1

On my holiday to Durban

I was barely off the Boeing

When a man came out of nowhere

Snatched my watch without even slowing

I called airport security

So they could catch the crook

They looked at me with bovine eyes

And asked me what he took

"My watch" I shouted, peevishly

"It cost me ninety pounds!"

And they just sat there, gormless

Making sympathetic sounds

"A fat help you have been!" I spat,

And went and called the cops

I thought I hadn't long to wait

Maybe twenty minutes tops!

A cop came three hours later

His siren wailing loudly

"See how fast I got here!"

Exclaimed the copper, proudly

I told him he was useless

So he threw me in his van

"You can't do this to me!" I yelled

He smiled and said "I can."

He took me to the station

And booked me for assault

I said "I was just angry

I was robbed, it's not my fault!"

So now I sit in prison

For some bureaucratic botch

Don't know how long I've been here

'Cause I haven't got a watch