Shakespeare's Lost Sonnet - Oh I Burnt My Poor Bottom

Shakespeare's Lost Sonnet: Oh I Burnt My Poor Bottom

Published Apr 4, 2006, 2:30:37 PM UTC | Last updated Apr 4, 2006, 2:30:37 PM | Total Chapters 1

Story Summary

This is just a tasteless poem in the style of Bill Shakespeare's sonnets that believe it or not was not really written by him

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"O I Burnt My Poor Bottom Whilst Lighting My Farts"

O I burnt my poor bottom whilst lighting my farts

For my Zippo was too fill'd with gas

Large blisters arose in my neth'rest of parts

And there's scorch marks all o'er my ass

When in need of relief and I must go number two

I'm forbidden to wipe, merely blot

I must oft smear my rear with antiseptic goo

To prevent my bum sores going to pot

I feel as though I have the worst case of piles

Than any one man ever saw

I'm done lighting farts at least for a while

For my sphincter is painfully raw

From this comes a wisdom I have to impart

Don't fill up your Zippo 'fore lighting a fart