Argh

I want to run away...

i cant

If i did even if it was during my break from Uni I'd loose my job..

Thats the only fear keeping me in England right now, i have the money, i could easily flee..

but then what after? Thats my problem.

Alas

I broke down in uni on monday, waterworks and sobbing.

im breaking, cracking under the pressure.

I thought things would get better... now they just arent

Im still questioning my entirety.. i really need to get the courage to talk to a councillor about the gender issues i have... Dont think its because of my preferences.. but this has been going on for years. sometimes i really wih i was a lad, i mean id be a lot different cause of upbringing n the lark but still.. Even as a kid id pretend to be my own twin brother called John and preferred to be like that.

Personas aside it bugs me a lot when im feeling down.

more and more i want to draw things too, but i cant even get anything looking half decent out. I cant write anything cause i clam up, typings similar when im not ranting like this. My DS is the only thing helping me sleep at night, playing Phoenix wright games till i wanna launch the player. I cant even be bothered with my PS2 or DVDs which is rare as heck for me.. im a gamer with any excuse normally.

Well.. i recently got nightwish and managed to get the album i heard years ago so thats been fun to remenice with.

Yes yes, attention seeking i know, but im asking for help this time.

If you think badly of me ignore this, if you have any suggestions of how i can help myself id appreciate the spurring on... Being at the end of your teather so much doesnt help anything